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If I Had Legs I'd Kick You poster

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

Parents guide · ClearAge age 15+ · Official M

Movie 2025 113 min Drama Checked by Dan S · 3 Sep 2026
Official Rating M ClearAge 15+

What we flagged

View all categories
Violence
Mild
Sex and Nudity
Frightening
Moderate
Language
Strong

Our take

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You is an M-rated A24 dramedy about therapist Linda juggling her daughter's mysterious illness, a missing person, marital strain and burnout. Frequent f-word profanity, wine and cocaine references, bloody medical imagery and sustained mental-health stress, including neglect and a risky home procedure, share the screen. A young child's eating disorder is discreet but central. Emotionally heavy viewing that suits adults more than most teens.

Uplifting themes

Survival and love for her child do surface, though the tone stays brutally stressful

Story (may spoil tone)

With her life crashing down around her, Linda attempts to navigate her child's mysterious illness, her absent husband, a missing person, and an increasingly hostile relationship with her therapist.

What we flagged

View all categories

Violence
Mild
Sex and Nudity
Frightening
Moderate
Language
Strong

Details

Violence Mild Bloody medical imagery and chaotic confrontations appear. Graphic fight…

Bloody medical imagery and chaotic confrontations appear. Graphic fighting stays limited

Language Strong Frequent f-word and s-word land as Linda's stress boils over

Frequent f-word and s-word land as Linda's stress boils over

Sex / nudity No sex found in this title

No sex found in this title

Drugs / alcohol Moderate Heavy drinking shows up as a coping habit, along with cigarettes and po…

Heavy drinking shows up as a coping habit, along with cigarettes and pot. Characters also talk about buying cocaine and Molly, including dark-web shopping chat

Frightening Moderate Nightmare visions, caregiver dread and a child's illness keep the tensi…

Nightmare visions, caregiver dread and a child's illness keep the tension high throughout

Child peril / abuse Moderate During Linda's breakdown, a sick child faces neglect and a risky at-hom…

During Linda's breakdown, a sick child faces neglect and a risky at-home procedure

Bullying / discrimination No bullying found in this title

No bullying found in this title

Gore / death / weapons Mild Bloody images stay tied to medical-crisis moments

Bloody images stay tied to medical-crisis moments

Dangerous behaviour Mild An ill-advised home medical attempt may worry impressionable viewers

An ill-advised home medical attempt may worry impressionable viewers

Eating disorders / body image Mild A young child's eating disorder is portrayed discreetly, and it runs th…

A young child's eating disorder is portrayed discreetly, and it runs through the plot

Mental health Strong Parental burnout, therapy conflict and hallucinations dominate the stor…

Parental burnout, therapy conflict and hallucinations dominate the story from start to finish

Gambling No gambling found in this title

No gambling found in this title

Grief / bereavement Mild Therapy scenes touch on grieving a deceased mother while new crises pil…

Therapy scenes touch on grieving a deceased mother while new crises pile on

Flashing lights We have not confirmed whether this version contains flashing lights.

We have not confirmed whether this version contains flashing lights.

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Talk after watching

  • Linda's to-do list keeps growing while she cares for her sick child. Where do you see support breaking down?
  • The film mixes dark comedy with caregiver panic. How does humor change hard topics?